The Ultimate List of 200 Best Dad Jokes
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The Ultimate List of 200 Best Dad Jokes

Dad jokes. You either love them or hate them. But one thing’s for sure – dads everywhere can’t get enough of them! Telling awful puns and cheesy one-liners is like a rite of passage when you become a father.

In this blog post, we’ve compiled 200 of the very best dad jokes that will make you cringe, laugh, and maybe even snort. From knee-slappers to groaners, simple puns to LONG build-ups, there’s something here for every corny dad’s comedy repertoire!

We’ll also answer some frequently asked questions about dad jokes like:

  • Why do dads tell such bad jokes?
  • What makes a good dad joke?
  • Where do these types of jokes come from?

So if you want to strengthen your dad joke skills or just need a good laughing session, you’ll enjoy this ultimate list!

What Makes a Good Dad Joke?

Let’s start by breaking down what exactly gives dad jokes their cringeworthy yet lovable quality:

  • Cheesy and Ungenuine Humor – The cornier and more exaggerated, the better. Subtlety has no place in dad joke land!
  • Overused Tropes – Expect random references to stereotypical dad interests like lawn mowing, tools, grilling, napping on the couch, etc.
  • Play on Words – Puns, double meanings, and takes on common idioms make up the foundation of most dad jokes.
  • Goofy Delivery – Say them proudly with a big, goofy grin for extra impact!

Now that you know what defines these groan-inducing jokes, let’s get to the list!

The 200 Best Dad Jokes

 

Clean Dad Jokes

  • Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
  • Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
  • Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut!
  • What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
  • Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
  • I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!
  • Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? It’s two-tired!
  • What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese!
  • I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.

Animal Dad Jokes

  • What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador!
  • What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick!
  • What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
  • What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain!
  • What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop!
  • Why can’t you tell a joke to endangered species? Because it might go extinct!
  • What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
  • What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta !
  • How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!

Wordplay Dad Jokes

  • I’m reading a book on the history of glue. It’s very hard to put down.
  • Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap!
  • I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
  • Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  • Did Noah include termites on the ark? Nope, only two woodpeckers.
  • I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it!
  • What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
  • I need to stop drinking so much milk. It’s an udder disgrace.
  • I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now!
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Long Dad Jokes (with Punchlines Worth the Wait)

  • Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind, it’s tearable.
  • I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it!
  • I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust!
  • My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof!
  • I entered ten puns into a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did.
  • Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay. You have my Word!
  • I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair!
  • Wanna hear a joke about a piece of paper? Nevermind…it’s tearable.
  • I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my Trail Mix!
  • I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

Funny Dad Jokes for Kids

  • What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na!
  • Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they’d crack each other up!
  • What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste!
  • When’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hirty!
  • Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy!
  • Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
  • Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs!
  • Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
  • What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen!
  • I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

Cheesy Dad Jokes

  • I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
  • What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
  • Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
  • A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where is the bar tender?”
  • I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  • I got an iced coffee even though it was cold out. Now I’mWide Awake.
  • I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.
  • Every calendar’s days are numbered.
  • My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.
  • I got a temporary job as a origami teacher. It’s paper view only.

Funny Clean Dad Jokes

  • Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
  • I went to buy some camo trousers but couldn’t find any.
  • 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
  • Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.
  • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised!
  • I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
  • I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there in moderation.
  • I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it!
  • Did you know if you drink bleach you die? I hope i brightened your day.
  • Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords!

Corny Dad Jokes

The Ultimate List of 200 Best Dad Jokes

  • What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese!
  • I’m reading a book on the history of glue. It’s very hard to put down.
  • 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
  • I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
  • What did one hat say to the other? “You stay here! I’ll go on ahead!”
  • What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
  • I knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning!
  • Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
  • To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing!
  • I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!
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Funny Dad Jokes for Adults Only

  • Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
  • A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.”
  • A dyslexic man walks into a bra. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
  • What do you call a dictionary on drugs? HIGH-Definition.
  • Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
  • I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
  • A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils? Broken pencils are pointless.
  • I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
  • I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

Lightbulb Jokes

  • How many library assistants does it take to change a light bulb? I don’t know, I’m just here to help you find the bulb replacement manual.
  • How many mystery writers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it halfway in and another leaves the rest of the story in the dark.
  • How many admins does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on whether you are in the light bulb changers group or not.
  • How many youth group leaders does it take to change a light bulb? Are you kidding?!? CHANGE?!?!?
  • How many worship leaders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. But the whole building has to tell him how good he did.
  • How many church sound technicians does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it and two to say ‘It was better before.’
  • How many associate pastors does it take the change a lightbulb? What do you mean change??? We’ve always done it this way!
  • How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Californians screw in hot tubs, not light bulbs!
  • How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? I’ll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
  • How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.

Math and Science Dad Jokes

  • Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  • Want to hear a joke about sodium hypobromite? NaBrO Two atoms bump into each other.
  • One says “I think I lost an electron!” The other asks, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “I’m positive!”
  • Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.
  • Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water? He had a very esteemed colleague.
  • I called the lab to ask what’s the normal blood pressure range for adults. But they just hung up on me since they didn’t have any patients.
  • Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
  • A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When asked how much he owes, the bartender says “for you, no charge”.
  • Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
  • I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my Trail Mix!
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Puns Dad Jokes

  • I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind. Boo crew at a haunted house: GHOST BUSTERS!
  • She had a photographic memory but never developed it. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  • I knew I shouldn’t steal the calendar, but the days are numbered. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
  • A rare steak pun is a medium well done. What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee? Mugging!
  • The dead batteries were given out free of charge. A relief map shows where the restrooms are.

Why do dads tell such embarrassingly bad jokes?

There are a few reasons why dads can’t resist telling awful puns and lame one-liners:

  1. It’s their dadly duty! When you become a father, you automatically inherit a trove of cringeworthy jokes to unleash on your kids.
  2. Dads think their jokes are hilarious even if no one else does. They have a quirky sense of humor.
  3. Telling corny jokes and seeing their kids react make dads happy. It’s a nostalgic throwback to their own fathers’ sense of humor.
  4. Awful jokes with clever wordplay take talent to create, even if the humor is childish. Dads are proud of their joke-crafting abilities.

What exactly makes a joke qualify as a “dad joke”?

The defining characteristics of dad jokes include:

  • Puns – Play on words and double meanings e.g. “I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.”
  • Cheesy humor – So silly and exaggerated that it’s endearing.
  • Goofy delivery – Told proudly with a big, corny grin.
  • Groan-worthy punchlines – So bad they’re funny!

Where did dad jokes originate from?

Dad jokes have been around for generations, told among fathers passing down one-liners to their kids. Their cornball humor origins likely date back to vaudeville comedy from the early 20th century.

As entertainment media like radio, film, and TV emerged, corny family-friendly jokes became mainstream. Comedians like Bob Hope performed these G-rated jokes for broad audience appeal.

The 1960s brought joke books targeted directly at fathers looking for material to entertain kids. Over the decades, dad jokes have solidified their reputation as endearingly bad puns told with pride by corny fathers.

When are dad jokes inappropriate?

Dad jokes are meant to be silly, clean fun for the whole family. But there are a few instances where they can be inappropriate or offensive:

  • Sexual humor – Keep jokes G-rated in front of kids.
  • Dark humor – Avoid taboo topics like death that may upset kids.
  • Politically incorrect – Don’t make jokes based on harmful stereotypes.
  • Mistiming – Know when to not interrupt serious moments.
  • Overused jokes – If someone is genuinely annoyed, consider mixing up your joke selection.

Remember, the ultimate litmus test is gauging your audience’s reaction. Kid-friendly topics told tastefully almost always make for harmless dad joke fun. But pushing boundaries too far can make others uncomfortable. Use good judgment based on those listening!

Conclusion

I hope you enjoyed this epic collection of the best dad jokes to keep your humor repertoire stocked for years. From classic puns to long build-ups that pay off, these cringeworthy jokes are sure to earn you some giggles or groans with every corny punchline!

Just remember to use discretion and read the room before dropping one of these goofy jokes. But when the time is right, telling a knee-slapper with enthusiasm is a quick way to lighten any mood. Thanks for reading and let the dad jokes commence!

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